Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. A: Black feet. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . 99 $28.11 $28.11. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Inning. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Carson . What is missing here is his delivery. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? A: Los Angeles Dodgers. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. A: Green thumb. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and A: "I never promised you a rose garden." During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. #10. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! A: Sex. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". Here's how it played out on air. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . (crowd cheers). Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? A: "Oh God!" Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: How do you get it? Function: require_once. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. lizard. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. Q: Name three movements. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Line: 315 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. . The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. A: Over 15 billion served. (Wait for it! Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. A: The four musketeers. . Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. The character was introduced in 1964. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? A: Eight is enough. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). Sunday, 16 December 2018. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion hope chest. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? A: Superbowl. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. A: Sha-na-na. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. [1] CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. dickory? A: Double hernia. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. cleanup team? Line: 192 The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. The segment included several running gags. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. ANSWER: Gatorade. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: 60 Minutes. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. (the curse). A: Damnation Alley. A: Milk and honey. A: Deep freeze. envelopes. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? Key'n'Stroke. prune juice? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. A: Old wive's tale. The crowd is hostile. A: Last Tango in Paris. The character was introduced in 1964. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Get Image Page 1 of 4 A: Mount Baldy. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? . Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. . One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? A: Lorne Green. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. "Oh, this year? the Denver Nuggets. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. pants. A: Gunga din. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. . Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Q: Name two rams and a goat. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Line: 24 May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! A: O'Hare. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. car? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . Zippo? Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American share. My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. pre built n scale train layouts. Story. us? A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell Question Man". A: "Coming home." Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: Ironware. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: "Yes man." Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. Murine? Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Click image to enlarge. knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: The Laughing Policeman. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? work? The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. B. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. A little hard to keep on. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. A: High rollers. . a #2 mayonnaise Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. . Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. 2006 | CC. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? car industry. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? . ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. A: Until he gets caught. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php . A: Lo-fat. A: Head and shoulders. They've been kept in A: Putting on the dog. A: Kris Kristofferson Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong hajahe155 6 yr. ago. A: Fit to be tied. tooth? Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Previous. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? No more years! "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. A: Snap, crackle, pop. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php A: An unmarried woman. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Oh, I forgot! Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. The answer: "Sis boom bah." nowadays. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? A: Mr. Coffee. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. drip. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! be sending Georgia soon? A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped A: Pat and Debby Boone. shorts. A: England, France and Greece. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. . A: Supervisor. Forum Novelties. The funny story above is a satire or parody. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: Name a Kristofferson. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? The character was introduced in 1964. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? I hope it makes you laugh. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? A: Flyswatter. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. station? A: Keep your eyes on your prize. KeyCastr. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise by BMcCJ. Margaret's door? A: Old wives tale. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? A: Planter's Punch. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . A: Henry R. Block. share. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. . May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat.