It hurts because i love him. This order is supposed to save lives not ruin them. So, i left and walked around, when, i came back, they were not there. Hi.im married to my husband forfor 4 years.i made more money than him.I stuck by him through his madness.Drinking and drugging.He never went for help.I always felt he was doing what he wanted because he just wanted to.I cared for him too much.I let my guard down.He now has a better job and only four months being employed,he says we have nothing in common, we should be friends.He not used to anything.Now he gets another chance of living a better life, hes gone.All he did was lie to me . She will not put in any effort whatsoever and couldnt imagine being the same family we pretended to be all week on the weekend. Everyone can relate when I say, every day is a new day with kids. I dont know what to do. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. The unfortunate truth is unless two people are willing to work on a marriage it will never work. Now . cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. His behavior is classic. A wife might explain: "my husband was the one who decided to leave. He just kept saying it was 'his problem.' I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didn't want to be in. So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. (Her x comitted suicide when I met her). I will follow this for now. Hello all im still Jon.and yes Im still sad and miserable and confused and lonely.. She never wanted to make it more difficult then it already was for her children. My advice is let it be man, theres no point of crying over spoiled milk.u cant respect a woman that made a choice like that. Because he worked full time he told me that from Monday to Friday he was unavailable and so I was alone doing it all . Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. Wow harsh, I could swear that was written for me sheesh. There are good people ..you are one of them, I am one of themWe need to keep fighting and believing for those of us out there who do care. She is smart and healthy. I figured it just didnt work out with them but now our baby is 10 months and he does not pay bills help clean help with the kids. Since that day, naturally, nothing has been the same I still love him very much and care for him but I feel like we arent meant to be together anymore. I have seen these kinds of marriages turn around, but I have also seen many where the damage of trust is too great to overcome. Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. Sometimes you have to keep telling yourself its not you, its really them and they will get theres on there time. The strategies Brad reveals are extremely powerful and might make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy divorce. You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. She bought him a watch and pajamas for his birthday. But remember it has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. please advice me what to do. This is making me absolutely sick. MGTOW all the way Baby. I miss the small talk. Instead she has communicated with anothr man things hav developed. Just make sure you get books that arent full of fluff and nonsense that doesnt mean anything. Then what, it is just so sad. Any pointers or tips will be welcome. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? So there are a lot of things you can do to help you get over the loss of your husband: Those are just a few of the most important things you can do to get over your sadness. Must be so difficult to know that you gave up all this time and energy and money to only be crapped on by someones narcissism. 1. I hate being alone. If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. This has been going on for years. Im truly heartbroken. Thank u for replying. Put my foot down and told her if she ditches us again that weekend I would be done. All rights reserved. In addition, not dealing with your feelings of abandonment can create dysfunction such as anxiety and jealousy in future relationships.. Few years back as a woman in her mid-40s she had an affair with and 18 year old from the church and declared in a violent rage it was my fault for not making her happy Yikes! We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. It feels better to chat about it, too know others are going through the same thing & it does suck. My husband left me after 21 years to find his happiness and looking for an emotional connection because we were miles apart. I am totally devastated. Before she left, we both confessed to each other that we felt more connected, more married if you will to each other then either of us ever did to our spouses. She sounds like shes crazy now. Best! This new girlfriend has a world of abuse to deal with in the future. Well I went deer hunting with our son and had left her at the house with our daughter which was in 7 th grade at the time. I am good to my wife. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less I have had to completely restart from scratch without anything and I think I would have to suffer this a thousand times again rather than live like that ever again. all by yourself. We met at school and Im not ready for what happened, she just left for our friend. 10 weeks ago she abandon the whole entire family and moved from Texas to London England to be with him. I will keep this no contact for as long as humanly possible. I feel used and devastated this is one of the toughest time in my life. So sorry to hear this..:( I have been with wife for 18 years and she wants a divorce. What about: She should not know what your settlement is.she is waiting for it. I hope things are going a little better. I get $700 a month for 3 years and $25g from her 401k. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. Everyone I know has been together for years and are still madly in love. Top 5 Reasons a Partner Leaves (and How to Cope). He started changing as soon as he graduated. He is so cold and aloof it drives me crazy. My wife left 11/15/15. Its a horrible way to live, he leaves constantly when things dont go his way, wont marry me (although we were engaged 6 months into our relationship) wont move in and keeps leaving me, sleeping with other woman then reeling me right back in with emotional BS! I split with my ex on Christmas. Anyway things bumbled along for about 2 years then her new best friend decided to came on to me which I thought was a joke at first as that sort of thing never happens to me (my wife is the pretty one). Things like eating right, exercising, therapy, meditation, massage, friends, family Anything to get better Its horrible.. I am beyond hurt. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". He held me back and then confessed that he was bi-sexual and had been texting with another man. I work out at a gym and have put my grandson and myself in martial arts to help me cope. Hey there all. I received my divorce and was devastated by my helpless circumstance. I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. We lost our connection several years before I left. Just do your best to keep it together for your kids, and realize that there will be a rainbow at the end of the dark cloud. But if you cannot have her sort what you want with the kids and remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can so you can focus on your kids and studies. Good luck if you think this fits him. Failure to taste. Dont be a victim . Because i was not dressed for it and i am not comfortable with my body. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? Had to move out of my house as his business is next door. A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. I knew it was something . Sage, yah that sounds like an affair and it sounds like she is admitting to it in her own way. And what they are now compared to who they were before. But her decision is not deadly. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. After she moved out I found out she was in a realationship with another man my wife had many affairs I tried to work things out but they just didnt stop this was the 2nd on in less than 2 yes not sure how to feel right now It is so hard I cant seem to grasp how she can move on so quickly. My heart is broken beyond repair. Hurt beyond comprehension that this has been all calculated and the number of lies that had been told to me for I cant even imagine how long. There had been so many years apart and having four children between the two of us makes moving forward difficult to say the least. She walked out about a week ago and she always leaves and never tells me what I have done wrong and she never tried to work through things. There are other ways of finding things out, but that all depends on which boundaries you are willing to cross. He had over the years became grumpy and this only got worse. Resentful and angry people see themselves as merely reacting to an unfair world. Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? It is natural to . She was my everything, my whole reason for being. I been with my sons father for 8 years and throughout the whole 8 years he never treated me like a real person he always treated me like I was one of his friends and I never had the respect given from him to me but anyhow I stayed in this relationship it was rocky on and off I even left eight months in 2013 and he came back in 2014 of December and things have not been right every since I asked him cuz he have a history of cheating on me while we were in our relationship and always ask about other people were there at and why do you choose to keep coming back well I got a bit of a surprise in January of 2015 I was with him and that was the last time Ive been with him I found out that he have had a friend on the side and Im actually okay with that because the relationship has been rocky since the beginning so I just want to know why he didnt tell me straight forward that he was leaving me for another woman. I have a massively supportive family who I could lean on and who helped me in any way they could, but it still took a long time for me to find myself again, to be whole without the person I thought made me whole. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. A common example would be a major medical illness. For me, it was a kind of deadness. And not a psychopath. Ok, judas. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. I feel for you. She told me she couldnt do it anymore, and that she no longer loved me as a partner/husband. Its very painful its been only 2 months after we live together for over 4 years and we have a 2 years old. Now comes weekend #1, now I have been there every single day after work and done all the work so she could relax and she looks at me and says youre taking the girls for the weekend right? I always made a big deal out of xmas for each other, the tree, silly stuff. We had 2 amazing little girls but right after the second one her first Xmas, 10 days before my wife says shes going to get Advil and doesnt come home. 4. I always try to communicate with her pushing to know whats going on but she will pick offence and let in argument. It really hurts. Depressed partners regret leaving very often, yes, but it should not be a pattern. He calls this a seperation, but making me take all my things and move away, seems like he is just trying to spare my feelings, not asking for a divorce straight out. We have split up before because he has been unfaithful and we have always got back together. (to the marriage) as he or she led on. She has quite a few friends and is self reliant. I met a woman on-line and its going great but it is long distance Always remember that just because the past didn't turn . But Ive never really been able to trust him and while he says this time theres no one else and this time its about us not being able to live together and his miserable I make him and have pushed him away, a week after he left I saw him with another woman. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. I dont want to go on with life feeling like I do. I was devastated! No one warned me that the "change of life" meant that I would be at war with my own body . My situation Is different In that my ex is NICE all the time. In his mind he asked for emotions and he asked for love and he didnt get it for me. But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. While our sons are adults we were a close family. I have just left my partner of 16 years. So I do understand what I am going through and why. He basically told me he was just doung the right thing when I asked why he married me (I got pregnant before we were married) and judging by his behavior I see that he was definately acting like he was unhappy and just married me to do the right thing. Eric, was the suicide a result of his relationship troubles with your ex? I have 2 ds and am left absolutely distraught. I think weve grown apart over the years but we still had a comfortable and affectionate relationship. You will get all the blame and even find yourself thinking maybe it WAS your fault ! Wow. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I had a thousand questions, but they all boiled down to "why?" I learned all this by looking through texts on my daughters phone. Shes married with two children as well, and was in a comfortable marriage. I'm not lonely or struggling with my daily tasks.